Rabboisai,
This MoitzeShabbosKoidesh we gather together to celebrate the most joyous of all the Jewish Holidays, the holiday of Purim, no matter how much we are not in a celebratory mood. On this holiday, we commemorate the near destruction of the Jewish People and the exploitation of Esther Hamalka's Bisulta to enable the salvation of Klal Yisroel by getting stinking drunk and trying to be Mezaneh with our Chavrusa when he is not busy throwing up.
CHAZAL have often contemplated the deeper meaning hidden within Megillas Esther, the text that details the story of Purim. Why, they ask, is the name of the Reboinoisheloilum not mentioned throughout the Megillah, while in contrast, Haman Harasha's name is mentioned so many times that people make noise with Graggers, shoot cap guns, and bang their heads against the wall?
According to the RASHBAM, the Aibishter refused to have his name associated with the story, as He was disgusted by the Machiavellian activities of Klal Yisroel. Such actions include:
-- Mordechai saves the life of the king and doesn't even collect a cash reward (What's Pshat with that? Does he also pay retail?)
-- Esther curries the favor of the king by taking hold of his extended staff
-- Once victory is achieved, Klal Yisroel does not stop until they have murdered Haman's allies, hanged his sons, and eaten his horses.
Says the RASHBAM, Hakadoishboruchhu was not interested in any of that, as He was still trying to live down the bad press from the whole Destruction-Of-The-First-Temple thing.
The RITVA disagrees, suggesting that the RASHBAM dropped too much Bsomim when he was in college and was prone to flashbacks while in the Bais Medrish. The RITVA suggests that the reason that the Reboinoisheloilum is not mentioned in the Megillah is that Megillas Esther is not originally a Jewish story. Noting the similarity of the names of Mordechai and Esther to the names of the Persian deity Marduk and his consort Ishtar, the RITVA suggests that Purim was actually adapted from an annual pagan Persian holiday in which Persians would traditionally drink heavily, exchange gifts of food, give alms to the poor, and kill their wives and replace them with younger women.
But the Toldois Aharoin disagrees with both the RASHBAM and the RITVA. The Toldois Aharoin offers that the Melech Malchei HaMelachim did not want his name included in the Megillah since He was completely upset by the fact that no one could ever get His name right. The Toldois Aharoin cites a beautiful discussion from the Zoihar: Rabbi Shimon Bar Yoichai, sitting around a campfire with his followers, teaches them that one must try to know the Ain Sof, the unknowable aspect of the Omnipresent, by giving It a name. "What would YOU call the Ain Sof?" he asked each of his followers,
One follower responds "Rebbe, I would call Him 'Fred' because that is a name I can relate to, since I once had a dog named Fred, and a dog is man's best friend." Another follower says, "I will call Him 'Spike', because the Jewish People have a Bris with the Ain Sof, and that is what I nicknamed my Bris Milah when I was sixteen years old." And so they went around the circle.
Once the last of the followers had spoken, Rebbe Shimon addressed them. "You idiots," he said, "you cannot give the Ain Sof a proper name! He is unknowable. I cannot believe that I spent 13 years buried up to my neck in a freaking cave just to teach Schmucks like you!" When Rabbi Shimon calmed down, he told his Talmidim that the Ain Sof should be called the El Elyoin, meaning "The Deity On High” since, according to Rabbi Shimon, "as He is unknowable, one would have to be high to think you can know Him."
As the rebbe's Talmidim nodded in agreement, Rabbi Akiva joined the group, and, upon hearing the discussion, began to berate Rabbi Shimon. "You would call the Ain Sof 'El Elyoin’?" Rabbi Akiva asked. "Everyone knows that He should be called 'Aibishter', which means in Aramaic 'Where the hell is He when you really, really need Him? Like… now."
Says the Toldois Aharoin, as the Aibishter did not want to have his name mangled by a bunch or ignoramuses he decided to adopt a low key approach in the Megillah.
I, the RAPAS, would like to offer a new answer to this question. Perhaps the Reboinoisheloilum’s name is obscured from the Megillah so Klal Yisroel would understand that Klal Yisroel must learn to solve our own problems. “Ain Soimchin Al HaNess”, we cannot rely on a deus ex machina, an external solution, heavenly or otherwise, to resolve the most challenging issues of our day. We must use our own intelligence and creativity to devise and implement our best path into the future.
Take for example the issue of peace between Klal Yisroel and the Arab world. Some would say that we should cede Gaza and the West Bank in exchange for peace. Others would say that we should not give up one inch. I would like to humbly suggest that in exchange for real peace, we should be prepared to make sacrifices, even painful ones. However, it should be clear to all sides that not everyone will get what they want. But in the spirit of true peace, I am certain that we can reach an compromise and a historic understanding.
Consequently, while I am not certain what we should do with Gaza and the West Bank, in exchange for real peace we should be willing to give Brooklyn to the Palestinians. And if calm prevails there, we can talk later about transferring other territories including the Five Towns, Teaneck, Monsey, and Lakewood. And as an initial confidence building measure we should unilaterally withdraw from Washington Heights and offer it to the Palestinians. Perhaps the Yeshiva University leadership can do for the Palestinians what it has done for Modern Orthodoxy — return them to the middle ages and a perpetual state of decline and mediocrity.
Ah Freilachin Yuntif, You Minuval
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Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein
Rosheshiva
Yeshivas Chipass Emmess
RabbiPinky@Gmail.Com
You can mess with yeshiva university, but you cannot mess with the five towns